I awoke, back in my camper. Dressing, I turned on the radio…
After a while, the news came on: Cleggy was having another handbags with Cameron over something or other, Sian Phillips (a chubby young singer – not the veteran Welsh actress) would be unable to attend the Miami leg of “The X-Factor” due to visa issues (she had once been jailed for a week, following a punch-up) a bus had been shot up in Pakistan and a cross-eyed opossum called Heidi (who had 300,000 Facebook “followers”) had been euthanized at Leipzig Zoo.
I was back.
Purposefully, I strode down to the loch. Its Stygian depths stretched before me. Summoning all my strength, I hurled The Device as far as I could. It landed with a plop, about three hundred yards out.
I knew Scottish lochs were dark and deep. They had never found the Loch Ness Monster – so The Device would never be seen again either.
Then I turned, walked back to my camper and drove off to look for some breakfast. Arriving at the village shop, I went inside and purchased a pie, a Kit-Kat and a can of Coke.
As I was getting back into the VW camper, a passer-by smiled and remarked how clean it was for its age. I smiled back and nodded my appreciation. Then I fired it up and headed off north, to finish a now well-earned holiday.